Mother claims bakery staff gave 'deeply hurtful' remark after children with ADHD bite into unpaid donuts, sparks debate

A mother's post has sparked debate about parenting children with Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD).

In Facebook forum Complaint Singapore, a woman — who posted anonymously on Friday (July 24) under the nickname QuickLlama9346 — shared she had recently visited bakery Yamazaki by Four Leaves in VivoCity with her two children and a helper.

She said her kids had each picked up a donut from the display shelf and took a bite before paying for them. She added that it had happened too fast for her to react.

"I immediately apologised to the staff and assured them that I would pay for both donuts without hesitation," she recalled.

Feeling "embarrassed but trying to remain composed," she continued browsing while her helper stayed outside the bakery with her children.

A few moments later, she purportedly heard an elderly woman behind the packing counter remark "very loudly in Chinese": "We cannot blame the children. We can only blame the parents for their poor upbringing."

The words hit her harder than she could have imagined, said the mother, who also shared a censored photo of the staff member.

'Choose kindness over judgement'

The mother went on to defend herself and her children.

"As a mother, I already carry the daily challenges, worries and emotional weight of raising two children with ADHD. Every outing requires patience, constant vigilance, and understanding because my children can act impulsively before they fully process the consequences of their actions," she said.

She claimed that her children are not "ill-mannered, spoiled or intentionally disobedient". "It is part of a neurodevelopmental condition that they never chose to have, and certainly not something I wished upon them."

Hearing a stranger publicly judge her parenting, without knowing anything about her children or their circumstances, was painful and humiliating, she said.

"I approached her calmly and explained that both of my children have ADHD, and that what had happened was a result of their condition, not poor parenting. I told her that her remark was deeply hurtful," she shared.

The post was concluded with her hopes that people "choose kindness over judgement".

"A few careless words can leave scars that last far longer than the incident itself. Before criticising a parent or a child, please remember that you may not know the battles they are fighting behind closed doors," she said.

"Compassion costs nothing, but it can mean everything to a family trying their very best."

'Not acceptable'

While a few netizens in the comments section shared supportive messages, others were either impartial or in disagreement.

"As a mum, I know how you feel when someone say such hurtful things about your kids. Society these days are not very kind to children," said one netizen.

Another remarked: "Your feelings are valid and their feelings are valid too. You want compassion towards ADHD kids. What about them? Those who are working and also tired of life. Just apologise and move on."

Another felt that ADHD explains behaviour but "does not excuse it". "If your child has ADHD, then you, as the parent, have an even greater responsibility to teach boundaries and manage situations where impulsive behaviour is likely. Taking food off a shelf and eating it before paying is not acceptable, regardless of the reason behind it."

AsiaOne has reached out to Four Leaves for comment.

According to HealthHub, ADHD in children is a brain disorder marked by a pattern of inattention and/or hyperactivity and impulsivity that may interfere with a person’s functioning or development.

Children with ADHD tend to display inattention, hyperactivity and impulsivity in a more severe and persistent pattern, across more than one situation, with a tendency to affect their performance at school and their relationships with others, the platform states.

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